Adjustment to Reality

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore I will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging!" Psalm 46:1-3

The Unexpected; the Shock; the Adjustment to my new reality – it’s so hard to make the shift! It seems surreal – the numbness of going through each day, unable to focus on the little details of life. Leaving the refrigerator door open (repeatedly), forgetting where I am driving to – I am quickly realizing how easy it is to take for granted the everyday ability to function! However, I am so grateful for the anchor the Lord is in life – in ALL aspects of life, He is so near to me.

There’s the old saying ‘the waiting is the hardest part’, and so far that has been very true with this journey. I feel like I’ve been hiking along through the forest, with no vistas in sight, or any glimpse of the peak I am about to ascend. Am I really going to get through the Montane zone, where the Douglas Fir and Tamarack will begin to thin out and give way to the Subalpine Fir and Mountain Hemlock? Way back on May 20th, this journey first began with me noticing something that looked odd with ‘my girls’… “maybe I should have this checked”; then came the myriad of doctor appointments, ultrasounds, MRIs – poking, prodding and the dreaded biopsies. Finally, the formal breast cancer diagnosis on June 30th, and then confirming it is in the lymph July 6th… honestly, it has all been overwhelming! I’m amazed at how much pressure this creates in me, and as days go by, I can see a visible change in my ‘bad girl’ – this thing is trying to kill me, and I want to get it out of here – let’s get going, already!

But throughout this entire time, I would always come back to the song ‘Here Now' – “All I know is I know that You are Here now; Still my heart, let your voice be all I hear now. Spirit breathe - like the wind come have Your way; cause I know You're in this place”. And some days, that’s how it seems; everything that I know to be true seems to melt into that one truth – my Creator and Healer is walking through this with me, and fear has no right to me! I have chosen Faith Over Fear – all I have to do is trust Him and walk this path with Him forward, one step at a time. And really, there is little else I can do during this part of the journey, but take all the fears & uncertainty, and hand them over to Him.

In the two months since I first discovered this beast, I’m constantly feeling like “Get the show on the road – I’ve got peaks to climb!” But alas, there is beauty in the waiting, and I know I will be stretched through this process – growth is not an option! I’m just so grateful for ALL of you who have prayed for me, sent positive thoughts my way, left notes & messages to encourage me, inquiring about how my family is holding up… I can’t tell you how much I, and each of us, appreciate your love and support – we could not do this without you! I feel your prayers – in all the fearful moments during tests, waiting for the phone call / next doctor appointment with results, knowing what the next year will entail… your support brings so much strength to us, even when the results are shocking…

The irony of all this waiting was culminated within the moment when I got the ‘good news’ phonecall, that no cancer has spread beyond the breast & lymph to any other bones or organs; my words were “Hallelujah – it’s only breast cancer!” haha, boy that sounds funny, but wow – it was such good news to hear! And today, we finally move forward to the first of three ascents on the way to the summit – I will be under for four hours while they remove this cancer from my body. When I wake up this evening, I will truly be ‘Two Backs’ (the endearing name my dear friend uses for her slender figure… :D). Life will be so different – a major part of my womanhood is saying ‘Sayonara’ to me… but it’s okay – I can do this! And in the end, I’ll have these two perky little numbers that will still be standing high well into my nineties! So, let’s do this – thanks again for your prayers!

And now for the best part ~

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at daybreak. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; still, He lifts his voice, and it all melts into peace!" Psalm 46:4-6

Time for me to go dance in that river - see you on the other side!

#Julie